It's Not a Diet!

Nothing motivated me more than being fed up with hating what I saw in the mirror. It had gotten really bad. It had come to the point where I would intentionally undress in my walk in closet and jump right into the tub so that I didn't have to see myself in the mirror when I showered each day. I was unhappy, I was unhealthy, and I was ashamed. I needed to make a change. Then I got pregnant, so I put it on hold again. It wasn't until I started to have complications during my pregnancy that I really decided to make some necessary changes.

I went from being 135 pounds to a solid 200 pounds in just 18 months.  I had gone from a size 6 to a 14 in that time and I had a hard time coping with my new size. I'm 5'11 so I did have more room to "share the love" but it was wreaking havoc on my emotional/mental well being.  I'm not embarrassed to admit my top weight- I'm more embarrassed to admit I let it get to that point. At first, I was constantly squeezing myself into clothes too small because I had the excuse of post baby weight and I couldn't actually admit how much I had 'let myself go.'  I stopped going out as much as I used to because I felt I looked terrible, to me I was almost unrecognizable: round face, puffy cheeks, flabby arms, saggy butt. Where had I gone wrong?  I started wearing my husband's clothes, even when we were leaving the house, because I didn't have any clothes that fit properly.  And, if I dared, I probably could have parked in the 'Expectant Mother' parking the entire time between pregnancies 1 and 2. And Still, I did nothing about my weight until March 1, 2014- 9 weeks after having a fairly serious pregnancy complication with baby number 2. 

*He is perfectly healthy as far as we know, and expected to make an appearance in the next 7 weeks*

Let me be quite clear- I'm not advocating dieting while pregnant. That is not what I have done. I'm merely documenting the positive changes I have made in order to get my health back on track. 

My first trimester was a nightmare. I was so sick that I lost 25 pounds. Not exactly what you want to do while you're incubating another little person. My second trimester wasn't a whole lot better, I was still sick all the time, and by 20 weeks I was down another 10 pounds. I was now 170 pounds. I was still unhappy, and now it was because I knew that this wasn't the healthiest way to be pregnant. I needed to make a change.

First of all, I'm making changes because I WANT TO. Losing weight and/or eating clean will not work if you're doing it for someone else.  You have to be motivated, focused and willing to work for it because it will be hard when you start out. You have to establish your "WHY," your reason for making the changes. For me, it was my health, and the health of my child. That was enough to get me going. I've found other reasons since (more energy, less cravings, better mental health, and more fulfilling relationships. Things will snowball, and what once was hard will become easier every day that you keep at it. 

My first piece of advice (and I'm not a doctor, nurse, or dietitian.  I'm just a mom with a blog who wants to feel good about my choices and the way that I look) is don't set unrealistic goals. You will be setting yourself up for failure if you expected to lose 30 lbs in a month.  It's not worth the disappointment, and it's not something you can maintain.

Always set goals that you believe you can achieve while still being healthy. Crash diets and faddish weight loss cleanses are all the rage right now. Really do the research for yourself before you start something. For me, the thing that has made the biggest impact is a product called Shakeology. It is full of super foods, calms cravings, and fills me up. I drink it for breakfast, and it really makes a difference in my day. You've probably heard a million times: breakfast is the most important part of the day. Well, I used to think sleep was more important than breakfast. It didn't get me anywhere. Do yourself a favor and START EATING BREAKFAST!  Since I've always heard it's so important I made it a habit to start getting up and getting myself some breakfast.  I usually drink a healthy fruit smoothie made with Almond Milk and Shakeology.  I can say I know for sure my new routine of making sure I get breakfast has helped with my healthy transformation. Give it a try and see how you feel!


*If you want more information on it, message me, or follow me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/fightingfit11 or on twitter @JennKnowles11. I'm delighted to share my experiences.*

Now, I used to hate working out. HATE IT! I'm in the military, but believe me, being hot, sweaty, and achy is not my thing if I can avoid it.  But I couldn't expect to get any healthier without working out so I decided to take up a workout again.  I was on the swim and cross country team in high school but the thought of swimming or running again 9 years after I had been involved in organized sports made me want to be sick.  I assumed I would die during my first attempt at a workout but it went surprisingly well.  If you don't consider yourself athletic, I still urge you to give it a try.  To me, a good workout is now a necessary evil. I can really feel the benefit for all my muscles when I get a workout in. If you feel absolutely lost with where to start, I'd be happy to help you find a program that will work for you depending on your "WHY." Just message me or follow me at one of my accounts above, and I can get you started. 

My next tip is make your goals visible:  Putting it out there where other people can see it is a great way to make yourself accountable. Tell your friends, family, or spouse what it is that you want to do, and when you want to do it by. Do you have a reunion coming up? Do you want to just tone? Get it out there. Use social media to do it. Find a way to make it know to others, and you will have a much better chance of keeping up with it. 

Schedule your work outs.  I'm a college student, a pregnant mom to a toddler, a Corporal in the military, and I work at an elementary school. I get tired at the end of my day, but I'm also a control freak about my time. I can't stand to lose a couple of hours to the tv, and not accomplish the things that I set out to do. It drives me crazy. So I schedule it out. I get up early and get my workout in. here is an example of what I do during my morning to make sure it happens:

8:00-9:00 workout and get my ShakeO in

9:00-10:00 feed the little man when he wakes up, walk the dog, and get ready for work

10:00-3:00 work

Don't cut out meals. It's only obvious to think that the easiest way to cut calories is to skip out on a meal. Don't. I use this analogy: imagine a fire burning. In order to keep the fire going you need to add wood every now and then. If you stop adding anything to it, it burns out.  The same with your body- when you add food to it, your body gets re-energized and can work better.  If you withhold nutrition and fuel, your body is going to burn out like the fire.  I will say, I am not a big calorie counter.  I know eating Arby's and McDonalds is not a healthy choice. I prefer to eat healthy foods like fruit and whole grain and vegetables. Baked chicken over fried, smaller portions, skip the pop, etc. 

*Again if you want more information on how I do this, or more accountability, I run 10 day clean eating challenges at least once per month. Go ahead and message/follow me, and I can get you set up.*

Diet/Workout Journal:  I started keeping a diet and work out (journal) and it has really helped me realize what foods I'm eating and what I may need to cut out and just how much time I'm devoting to working out.  I keep it in my bag and anytime I eat anything I write it down.  I usually end up skipping dessert type foods just so I don't have to write it down. I may want a chocolate satin pie at the time but when I write that down and read it later, I realize I really could have down without those extra calories.  You'd be surprised at how much you probably munch throughout the day without even realizing it.  A journal would make it more obvious and easier to cut back. It has for me. 

My final piece of advice: just because you've worked out doesn't mean you can then eat a bunch of junk food afterwards.  You're not a dog- don't reward yourself with food.  Don't ruin your great workout!! Trust me, you'll regret it after you do! And remember the secret to clean eating is not to get discouraged. If you can eat clean 95% of the time, you will see results. One bad meal will not make you fat, just like one good meal won't make you skinny.

I know it's hard, I know it's not instant, and I know it's really an entire lifestyle change, but it can be done! There are tons of great ways to give yourself the advantage while trying to be healthier. Remember that you aren't going through this alone. There are resources out there to help. Also keep in mind that it isn't about fitting a social mold. It's about feeling good about yourself, having the energy to chase after your kids, grand kids, nieces or nephews. It's about setting and reaching goals. 

You can do it! And if you would like advice, as a certified Beachbody coach, I can help. Find your WHY and get started. Good Luck!

Dear Baby Knowles (2)

My Sweet, Second Child,

You must know by now that I'm not perfect. After all, you can hear my heart race when I get upset at things I can't control. You have been witness to nights of silenced sobs that must have woken you up as your tiny perfect body laid nestled in my shaking frame.

I can't lie to you, and I wouldn't dream of trying:

It has been much more difficult to give you a body than it was for me to give one to your older brother. It has been a much more stressful ride this time around, and I am reminded of that every time I feel you stretch and change positions within the safety of my body. I have worried day after day that I would somehow fail you, my little boy.

Somehow, we have made it this far. We are merely weeks away from getting to look into each others eyes, and realize how much we know about each other. What trials we have overcome. The nine weeks of hemorrhaging during the first and second trimester were terrifying. The constant sickness that has remained with me from week six has been debilitating at times, and still somehow you have found a way to be strong, to continue to grow, and to surpass all expectations that were set for your development. Somehow, you have given me the strength to push forward as well.

You are strong! I wish I could take credit for that strength, but as you know, I've been scared, and I've been weak for most of our journey together. I'm finally starting to realize how much purpose you have added to my life.

I want you to know how much I love you. There is not a thing in this world that I won't change for you if it is in my power. You will do great things in this life. You have an amazing example in your older brother. Let him teach you all that he can.

Be patient with your dad and me. It's our first time being your parents, and though we have learned quite a bit from your brother, you will come with completely different lessons for us. You already have. Just know that we love you. You are coming to a family that couldn't be more happy to have you. We feel your giant spirit, and we know that you are ours.

I know that your Heavenly Father doesn't make mistakes when it comes to families. Let me show you my testimony of this principle each day during this life. I am your mother. Let me teach you about the gospel, and about family, and love. Read the notes from the experiences of my life, and find hope, faith, and perseverance in everything.

I know that you can feel my shortened breaths fighting to catch as I write this letter to you. I know that you can hear my heart as it beats erratically as I tell you I love you. Know that these tears are tears of happiness. Know that these small cries are in anticipation of you joining our family.

Know that I can't wait to meet you.

Know that I love you.

Love,
Mommy

Things Always Look Up

I want to tell a story about the last years of my life. It hasn't all been bad, in fact a lot of great things have happened to my little family. We were blessed with our first child, we moved successfully, and I started my photography business.

Along with these great opportunities, we also had plenty of opportunities to struggle.

First, we had the chance to experience the big 'D' not divorce, but depression. I had a very hard time going back to work after having my son. I often felt like I couldn't be a mom and a valuable employee. I cried on a daily basis, and I hid it it from everyone. I was the woman in the lactation room who sobbed as she pumped almost every time. I wasn't concerned about my supply, or the nutritional value my milk had for my son. I cried because I felt like a failure. by the time I added in my commute to work and the time I spent taking my son to my wonderful sister's house for childcare I was spending 11 hours a day away from home. I think on some level I knew I could find a way to do better for my family, I was just lost in my own emotion and I stopped myself every day from finding that next step.

It got worse. When my little guy was about six months old, we both got sick. He got RSV, and I got an upper respiratory infection. The medication we had to take to clear it up, dried everything up. I could no longer nurse. This made the feeling of failure sharper. It cut into me every day. I felt like not only was I not there for my son, but now I couldn't even make the small contribution that I had been making. We were switching to formula, and I no longer had a retreat where I could cry in private. It got harder and harder to function. My job performance started to slip. Things were compounding in a very negative way.

One particularly rough day lead to an even worse evening, and I could not calm my son down. we had just moved, and I didn't know where anything was, or what to try to make him happy. I had tried feeding him, holding him, singing to him through a cracking, crying voice. My husband had tried and been unsuccessful as well. I was at my wits end. I was holding my small sweet child, and every fiber of my being wanted to shake him until he stopped. This was a BIG RED FLAG for me. I set him down on the bed, and dropped to the floor. I was sobbing. I couldn't breathe. It took everything I had to call for my husband. I told him I needed help, and I could see in his eyes that he agreed, and that I hadn't been fooling him for weeks now.

The next day, I made an appointment and was prescribed an antidepressant. My doctor and I talked it out, and decided that I probably wouldn't need it forever, but I would need it as a crutch for a while. I had to realize that is was ok to need help. I had to see that this was a problem that people had. If it had been a broken leg, would I have left it untreated? No, of course not. It was the same thing. There was a chemical reaction that was slightly broken. I just needed to fix it, and that was just fine.

I would love to say that the medication fixed everything right away, and that I returned to normal within the week, but it was a longer process than that, and there were side effects. I gained quite a bit of weight. I was still withdrawn from people. Some of my friends were walking on eggshells around me, and I knew it was because there was a stigma associated with anti-depressants. It did get better though, a little at a time. Just in time for our next big challenge.

I lost my job. My employers weren't willing to overlook the fact that though I was rebounding and rebounding well, I had lost my edge for about six weeks. I took it as an opportunity to stay home with my son for a while, and live that stay-at-home dream. Sure we would have to cut back a bit, and money might be a little tight, but we could do it. We did do it. We found ways to make things work, and were able to get back on our feet. We even found out that we were expecting again. We were thrilled. And then six weeks later...

My husband lost his job. We both starting looking for work immediately. I found a job at an elementary school. My husband followed lead after lead, and for months they turned up nothing. Our savings was dwindling, and we were starting to wonder how we were ever going to get by. I thought to myself, "Things can always get worse, but not much worse for us." Boy was I wrong. sure we had financial problems right then, but for the most part, aside from being on the chunky side (which I now had a new excuse for) we were healthy. Then I got a lesson in it-can-get-worse 101. My husband found out he had a blood clot extending from mid thigh to mid calf. That'll shake up your life a bit. six weeks later, I started to hemorrhage. I found out I had what is called a SubChorionic Hematoma. The good news was it was either going to cause a problem with my pregnancy, or it was going to be an annoyance until it resolved itself. Either way it was unnerving.

Then just as it started to look like there was no end in sight, things started to sort themselves out. My husband was offered a job. It wasn't the greatest in the world, but it was a job. It was going to make ends meet. My husband went in for a follow up and his clot was resolved, and after nine weeks, my hemorrhage had finally subsided, and I was given the all clear on the health of my bun in the oven.

That brings us to the present. Things are looking up. I'm in my third trimester. My husband was recently offered an even better job, with better benefits, and better pay. We're getting ready to start house hunting, and I have been able to start really marketing myself as a Beachbody coach... Even pregnant. It all works out, and it always looks up. Sometimes, things have to get worse, but that doesn't mean that they can't get better. I have a gorgeous little boy who is about to turn two, another boy about to enter the world who will be just as wonderful I'm sure, a husband who is now returning to good health, and renewed faith that good things happen to people who keep trying.

I challenge anyone who is reading this to find something that you can change each day. Something small, make the commitment and change your life!