Dear Baby Knowles (2)

My Sweet, Second Child,

You must know by now that I'm not perfect. After all, you can hear my heart race when I get upset at things I can't control. You have been witness to nights of silenced sobs that must have woken you up as your tiny perfect body laid nestled in my shaking frame.

I can't lie to you, and I wouldn't dream of trying:

It has been much more difficult to give you a body than it was for me to give one to your older brother. It has been a much more stressful ride this time around, and I am reminded of that every time I feel you stretch and change positions within the safety of my body. I have worried day after day that I would somehow fail you, my little boy.

Somehow, we have made it this far. We are merely weeks away from getting to look into each others eyes, and realize how much we know about each other. What trials we have overcome. The nine weeks of hemorrhaging during the first and second trimester were terrifying. The constant sickness that has remained with me from week six has been debilitating at times, and still somehow you have found a way to be strong, to continue to grow, and to surpass all expectations that were set for your development. Somehow, you have given me the strength to push forward as well.

You are strong! I wish I could take credit for that strength, but as you know, I've been scared, and I've been weak for most of our journey together. I'm finally starting to realize how much purpose you have added to my life.

I want you to know how much I love you. There is not a thing in this world that I won't change for you if it is in my power. You will do great things in this life. You have an amazing example in your older brother. Let him teach you all that he can.

Be patient with your dad and me. It's our first time being your parents, and though we have learned quite a bit from your brother, you will come with completely different lessons for us. You already have. Just know that we love you. You are coming to a family that couldn't be more happy to have you. We feel your giant spirit, and we know that you are ours.

I know that your Heavenly Father doesn't make mistakes when it comes to families. Let me show you my testimony of this principle each day during this life. I am your mother. Let me teach you about the gospel, and about family, and love. Read the notes from the experiences of my life, and find hope, faith, and perseverance in everything.

I know that you can feel my shortened breaths fighting to catch as I write this letter to you. I know that you can hear my heart as it beats erratically as I tell you I love you. Know that these tears are tears of happiness. Know that these small cries are in anticipation of you joining our family.

Know that I can't wait to meet you.

Know that I love you.

Love,
Mommy