5 Reasons to be More Intimate More Often

I recently read an article in the Huffington Post, and although it's not my go-to publication, this particular article really stuck with me.

It started out by telling the story of a teenage girl a few years ago sitting for a manicure. Although she had taken a book with her (who can hold a book while getting a mani? I need to learn to do this.) she was drawn to the conversation of two women a few years older than her talking about "IT."

They spoke of how by the end of the day they were too tired, too drained, or just not in the mood for IT. Yes, by IT, I mean sex.

I was instantly able to relate to the two married women. Clearly this teenager just didn't understand. When you are at home at the end of a busy day, the last thing you want to do is try to be sexy, right?

She recounted as a teenager thinking that she would NEVER be in this situation. When she got married, sex would be common. She would never say no, nor would she want to.

She fast forwarded a few years and found herself exactly where these two women had been. She had had a child, and admittedly felt lackluster in the nude. Having a child was leaving her tired every day. She was in that boat, and I was identifying all over again.

Tired.

Not Feeling Appealing.

Unsure of how to approach the situation...

I think we all find ourselves at this crossroad at some point.

As I read the article, I remembered thinking of the excitement that I placed on sex as a teenager as well. It was unknown, but it had to be AMAZING if I wasn't supposed to do it until I was married right? It was exciting thinking of what it might be like. I got married, and it was exciting. It was frequent. It was fun.

Cue our second pregnancy. Hormones, and a toddler have a way of really draining you. Add the stress of being a full time student, and a leader in an Army medical unit, and I was the epitome of the worn-down woman. By the end of the day, I barely had the energy to make dinner, much less be in the mood.

I remember one day thinking that I had to change this circumstance. So I did some research, and I found five big reasons to be intimate more often. So here they are:

1. You're still a woman! Being a mother can leave you feeling less feminine. From sacrificing your full beauty routine, to wondering what on Earth is on your shirt, it is easy to lose sight of what makes a woman beautiful. There is something however that makes you feel feminine again about kissing your partner. So taking a few minutes to kiss each other at the end of a busy day, can surely add to the mood of intimacy in your home. It may not lead to sex every night, but that is okay. So put the kids to bed and spend some time with the person that can give you those butterflies again.

2. He's still a man! It's really pretty simple. For a man to feel loved he needs very little. Make him dinner, be appreciative, and sex him up from time to time, and it's really pretty simple. Commit to this for a couple of weeks, and add in some nightly make out sessions, and you will be amazed at how much happier the two of you seem. You'll wonder how you let the intimacy get away from you in the first place.

3. You need time for the two of you! Are you noticing how all of these build on each other? Once you have committed to spending a few minutes together, it will be much easier to budget more actual time for the two of you. It will seem less like a chore and more like a break. Remember that guy that lit your fire, that left you notes, and didn't ever fail to call when you needed him to? Well, he is still the one that sends shivers down your spine, and makes your hands sweaty before a night out. You just have to give him the time to do it. So set aside a night each week. Call the sitter and head out, or put the kids to bed and stay up late together. Take time to talk about things other than bills and scheduling and I promise you won't regret it.

4. Sex relieves stress! Enough said right? How good do you feel after a roll in the hay? It's really an activity that speaks for itself AND it's something that there are plenty of ways to switch it up if you are looking for something new.

5. It's fun! Barring a few manageable complications, sex is fun. We often do the things that we HAVE to do, and neglect the things that we WANT to do. Giving yourselves permission to be sexual again is HUGE in sustaining, or rekindling that fire. For the moments when things don't go as planned in the bedroom, there is always a solution, whether it be changing the kind of lubricant you are using, or learning more about a new position before trying it again, there is a work around, and there shouldn't be any shame in trying something and having it not work out quite right. Trying something new is part of what makes it so FUN right?

So whether you are at the point where maybe it's just a dry spell (totally normal in marriage by the way--plenty of studies support that) or it's been a long cold winter, there is always a way to turn it around. It doesn't necessarily have to start with mind blowing sex. Maybe it starts with just a kiss.

The point here is it's doable, and we DESERVE it!

***If you are having a hard time figuring out where to start, please trust me with your questions. As an advocate for Women's Health and Sexuality, my goal is to keep married women married, single women safe, and all women empowered. I welcome the conversation, and will do everything I can to guide you in the right direction.***

Photo Credit to Shea Drake Photography

Common Misconceptions

After reading a friend and sister consultant's post, I really identified, and I don't think it could have been said any better. So here it is. Thanks, Dani!

Since starting my business with Pure Romance, I've received all kinds of responses ranging from "Good for you!" to awkward silence and quick topic changes ;) It's obvious that what I'm doing is considered taboo, for whatever reason, and I've decided to put to rest the 3 most common misunderstandings people have that make it so.

I'd like to start by answering the simple question: "WHAT IS PURE ROMANCE?" 

Pure Romance is basically a traveling boutique with superior quality, pharmaceutical grade products for women's health, beauty, and intimacy needs. Women host parties and welcome me into their homes where I present products and offer information/education regarding their physical and sexual health. 

Common misunderstanding #1: Pure Romance parties are naughty parties. False. Sure, the topics at hand make it easy for such parties to become "naughty," but generally speaking, Pure Romance parties are comfortable, enjoyable, and entertaining for all guests. Do we talk about sex? Yes we do. We promote sexual health and self confidence, not promiscuity. I assure you, we keep it real and appropriate and everyone goes home with their clothes on ;) 

Common misunderstanding #2: Only kinky women attend Pure Romance parties. False. Pure Romance is for all women. Young and old, married and unmarried, Pure Romance has something for any woman who cares about her health, beauty, and/or intimacy. 

Common misunderstanding #3: As a consultant, I'm a salesperson. Mostly false. Obviously I have products I'm selling, but that's not why I started my business. Can we all agree that a marriage will suffer if intimacy is an issue? That considered, I believe that the products and information I share in my parties will improve intimate relationships and in turn strengthen marriages and reduce divorce. I love the opportunity I have to educate and empower women and I cherish the relationships I'm creating with women who trust me enough to ask questions and confide in me. I do not consider myself a salesperson, I consider myself a coach, confidant, and friend. That is the #1 reason I started my business with Pure Romance; selling is only a bi-product of it. 

I'm proud to be part of Pure Romance and I love what I do. And that's a wrap!

How do I start setting goals?

Time and time again I have set goals at the beginning of the year to:

• lose a few pounds
• eat healthier food
• be a better person
• better manage time for my business 
• etc, etc, etc.

I never imagined that all of these goals would be intertwined. 

For instance, did I realize that I could be a much nicer person if I wasn't worried about what everyone thought I looked like? No, I didn't, BUT now I do. 

So here's the deal. I want you to make a list. Make a list of the 10 most important things for you to do in the next few months.

Seriously... Make a list! Right now. The rest of this post won't help you if you don't make the list.

Got it? Now look at your list of 10, and see if one of those goals would unlock any of the others. Example: Is one of your goals to lose weight? Yes? Is another to eat healthier? Yes? there you have it, eating healthier would help you lose weight for sure. 

So take a good hard look at your list which on of those goals unlocks the most potential for reaching the rest of them? 

Let's call this the key goal. 

Now that you have your key goal, write it out like it is something you already do. Is your goal to read a new book every month? Rewrite it as, "I read a new book every month." Saying it like it is already true helps you commit to actually doing it. 

Why? Because you feel good saying that you accomplish your goals. Think about it: which makes you happier? "I go on a date with my spouse at least once per week" or "I want to go on a date with my spouse once per week." Stating that you have accomplished your goal gives you a quick glimpse into what it will feel like to achieve that goal.

Now, here is the BIG commitment. Put it out there. Don't tell yourself alone about your goals. Letting yourself down is not nearly as bad as other people knowing you didn't meet a goal. So find three people who you trust with your goal, and tell them in the next 4 hours what your goal is, and give yourself a deadline.

Finally, work at it! Don't just set the goal and do nothing. Keep yourself accountable. Write your accomplished goal down and put it somewhere you will see it! 

It's okay to be "that mom"

2016 is proving to be an interesting year already. From buying a new home and moving into it, to finding out the gender of our sweet baby #3 (Due in early August, but most likely appearing in July) it's been busy.

My two home based businesses (JJ Knowles Photography, and Pure Romance by Jenn) are taking off and I couldn't be happier for that. I'm only 2 more semesters from graduation with a double bachelor's degree, and my two boys are growing like weeds! I just can't believe that this little slice of Heaven is my life. It gets very hectic at times, but I wouldn't trade it for the world! I know that I am definitely biased, but I have the world's best husband, and the cutest kids. *sigh* For what this life is, this is perfection.

**Warning, shamelessly cute family picture in 3..2..1**

Of course there are the moments that I am that mom. You know the one who hasn't showered in a day or three, walking around in sweatpants and a t-shirt at Wal-Mart with a screaming child in the cart because he just fell asleep and smacked his forehead on the handrail in front of him (this literally happened 48 hours ago). I think we all get our chance to be that mom, and that is okay. It's a right of passage, and the one thing that unites all of momdom. Because no matter who it is that gets to be that mom, all of the others know where she is coming from, and that smile that you get in the store, it's not pity. It is the deepest understanding. It is the recognition that we have all been there and done that, and that, in the words of my mom "this too shall pass."

It amazes me each and every day though that any of us make it as mothers. With all of the judgement in the world, and contradicting studies that PROVE that every single one of us are wrong, it can be hard to decide how to raise a child. The struggle that goes into trying to make the best decision easily rival the struggle to decide what college to attend, or what profession to train in. These decisions impact the way that your children will see the world. They shape their actions for the rest of their lives. It's a huge deal that will weigh heavily on your mind long after the decision at it's implications are made. Raising a child is hard. Don't think for a moment it isn't. So to all of the struggling moms, I salute you!

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of moms on social media putting their best foot forward, and writing award winning blogs, or DIY-ing EVERYTHING in their home, while at the same time cloth diapering their children and never raising their voice. To those moms... kudos, and when you figure out how to bottle that, please let me know so I can borrow the recipe. The thing that I have learned though, is there is always someone "better" than each of us, that has the energy to wake up before the kids, and look perfect throughout the day, and have a sparkling home that doesn't show the tell-tale signs of children residing there, BUT we probably aren't seeing everything they are facing.  The snap shots on social media are just that. they are snapshots, glimpses, a glamour reel if you will. They don't show the whole story. So don't beat yourself up when you don't measure up to someone's "perfect" facade.

At the end of the day we each take off our make up (if we managed to put any on-I often don't) and take apart our reflection in the mirror. We dwell on the imperfections, and we struggle with the debate over whether or not we could have made a better choice during the day, or whether our actions will be the topics of our children's therapy sessions for years to come.

The advice that I can share for each of us, is just to cut ourselves some slack, because when we learn to cut ourselves some slack, we are much less likely to judge that mom. Because really... what does that even accomplish?

Stick with it momdom!

5 Things you NEED to improve your milk supply

Did you know there are vitamins and herbs out there that can boost your milk supply? Most are fairly inexpensive and can be found at your pharmacy or local health food store. 

Always talk to your doctor before adding any vitamins or supplements into your daily routine. 

These are the herbs I have personally used and have had success with:

Prenatal Vitamins:

Yep, it is still important to keep taking your prenatal vitamins even after baby is born. Nursing sometimes feels like your baby is sucking the life out of you (especially at 2 am)...prenatal vitamins will help you get the important nutrients YOU need to keep up.

Fenugreek:

This is a milk supply miracle! I filled my freezer by the time my baby was 6 months old with milk, milk, and more MILK. It boosted my supply from 25 oz a day to 60 oz in a matter of weeks. My doctor recommended I take 2-3 pills 3 times a day. 

Gee Wiz! Fenugreek is used as a flavor aid in syrup. You WILL smell like maple syrup and if you don't, you aren't taking enough. 

Seriously, if you don't smell like Aunt Jamima, then you aren't taking enough and probably won't see an increase in your supply. The smell fades after a few weeks... or maybe I just got used to smelling like pancakes. Either way, it's worth the boost in supply! 

Lecithin: 

 Lecithin helps prevent the dreaded clogged duct. 

1 pill 3 times per day, and after a few weeks she cut back to 1 pill twice per day, and then eventually 1 per day. If I feel a clog coming on, I double up to 2 again for a few days and that normally takes care of things. Best kept secret in the world!! 

More Mommy's Milk Plus:

This product has saved many a nursing mom. 

Here is one success story: 

"After having an overabundance of breast milk, I made a decision (with my doctor) to start birth control.  Since I had SO much milk we did not think it would effect my supply too much.  We were WRONG.  My supply went from 8+ ounces per feeding to 1/2 an ounce.  I was DEVASTATED, but determined to do whatever I had to to get my milk supply back and continue to nurse my daughter for the full year.  

My lactation specialist suggested More Milk Plus.  Make sure get the PLUS because it is more potent.  WARNING:  It tastes TERRIBLE.  Imagine the worst shot you have ever taken.  Now x10.  That is how bad this tastes.  But, by taking this product, along with Fenugreek and lots of skin-on-skin your milk supply will increase."  

WATER:

Drink it like its your job, because if you're nursing, well... it is!

Happy Nursing!

It's Not a Diet!

Nothing motivated me more than being fed up with hating what I saw in the mirror. It had gotten really bad. It had come to the point where I would intentionally undress in my walk in closet and jump right into the tub so that I didn't have to see myself in the mirror when I showered each day. I was unhappy, I was unhealthy, and I was ashamed. I needed to make a change. Then I got pregnant, so I put it on hold again. It wasn't until I started to have complications during my pregnancy that I really decided to make some necessary changes.

I went from being 135 pounds to a solid 200 pounds in just 18 months.  I had gone from a size 6 to a 14 in that time and I had a hard time coping with my new size. I'm 5'11 so I did have more room to "share the love" but it was wreaking havoc on my emotional/mental well being.  I'm not embarrassed to admit my top weight- I'm more embarrassed to admit I let it get to that point. At first, I was constantly squeezing myself into clothes too small because I had the excuse of post baby weight and I couldn't actually admit how much I had 'let myself go.'  I stopped going out as much as I used to because I felt I looked terrible, to me I was almost unrecognizable: round face, puffy cheeks, flabby arms, saggy butt. Where had I gone wrong?  I started wearing my husband's clothes, even when we were leaving the house, because I didn't have any clothes that fit properly.  And, if I dared, I probably could have parked in the 'Expectant Mother' parking the entire time between pregnancies 1 and 2. And Still, I did nothing about my weight until March 1, 2014- 9 weeks after having a fairly serious pregnancy complication with baby number 2. 

*He is perfectly healthy as far as we know, and expected to make an appearance in the next 7 weeks*

Let me be quite clear- I'm not advocating dieting while pregnant. That is not what I have done. I'm merely documenting the positive changes I have made in order to get my health back on track. 

My first trimester was a nightmare. I was so sick that I lost 25 pounds. Not exactly what you want to do while you're incubating another little person. My second trimester wasn't a whole lot better, I was still sick all the time, and by 20 weeks I was down another 10 pounds. I was now 170 pounds. I was still unhappy, and now it was because I knew that this wasn't the healthiest way to be pregnant. I needed to make a change.

First of all, I'm making changes because I WANT TO. Losing weight and/or eating clean will not work if you're doing it for someone else.  You have to be motivated, focused and willing to work for it because it will be hard when you start out. You have to establish your "WHY," your reason for making the changes. For me, it was my health, and the health of my child. That was enough to get me going. I've found other reasons since (more energy, less cravings, better mental health, and more fulfilling relationships. Things will snowball, and what once was hard will become easier every day that you keep at it. 

My first piece of advice (and I'm not a doctor, nurse, or dietitian.  I'm just a mom with a blog who wants to feel good about my choices and the way that I look) is don't set unrealistic goals. You will be setting yourself up for failure if you expected to lose 30 lbs in a month.  It's not worth the disappointment, and it's not something you can maintain.

Always set goals that you believe you can achieve while still being healthy. Crash diets and faddish weight loss cleanses are all the rage right now. Really do the research for yourself before you start something. For me, the thing that has made the biggest impact is a product called Shakeology. It is full of super foods, calms cravings, and fills me up. I drink it for breakfast, and it really makes a difference in my day. You've probably heard a million times: breakfast is the most important part of the day. Well, I used to think sleep was more important than breakfast. It didn't get me anywhere. Do yourself a favor and START EATING BREAKFAST!  Since I've always heard it's so important I made it a habit to start getting up and getting myself some breakfast.  I usually drink a healthy fruit smoothie made with Almond Milk and Shakeology.  I can say I know for sure my new routine of making sure I get breakfast has helped with my healthy transformation. Give it a try and see how you feel!


*If you want more information on it, message me, or follow me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/fightingfit11 or on twitter @JennKnowles11. I'm delighted to share my experiences.*

Now, I used to hate working out. HATE IT! I'm in the military, but believe me, being hot, sweaty, and achy is not my thing if I can avoid it.  But I couldn't expect to get any healthier without working out so I decided to take up a workout again.  I was on the swim and cross country team in high school but the thought of swimming or running again 9 years after I had been involved in organized sports made me want to be sick.  I assumed I would die during my first attempt at a workout but it went surprisingly well.  If you don't consider yourself athletic, I still urge you to give it a try.  To me, a good workout is now a necessary evil. I can really feel the benefit for all my muscles when I get a workout in. If you feel absolutely lost with where to start, I'd be happy to help you find a program that will work for you depending on your "WHY." Just message me or follow me at one of my accounts above, and I can get you started. 

My next tip is make your goals visible:  Putting it out there where other people can see it is a great way to make yourself accountable. Tell your friends, family, or spouse what it is that you want to do, and when you want to do it by. Do you have a reunion coming up? Do you want to just tone? Get it out there. Use social media to do it. Find a way to make it know to others, and you will have a much better chance of keeping up with it. 

Schedule your work outs.  I'm a college student, a pregnant mom to a toddler, a Corporal in the military, and I work at an elementary school. I get tired at the end of my day, but I'm also a control freak about my time. I can't stand to lose a couple of hours to the tv, and not accomplish the things that I set out to do. It drives me crazy. So I schedule it out. I get up early and get my workout in. here is an example of what I do during my morning to make sure it happens:

8:00-9:00 workout and get my ShakeO in

9:00-10:00 feed the little man when he wakes up, walk the dog, and get ready for work

10:00-3:00 work

Don't cut out meals. It's only obvious to think that the easiest way to cut calories is to skip out on a meal. Don't. I use this analogy: imagine a fire burning. In order to keep the fire going you need to add wood every now and then. If you stop adding anything to it, it burns out.  The same with your body- when you add food to it, your body gets re-energized and can work better.  If you withhold nutrition and fuel, your body is going to burn out like the fire.  I will say, I am not a big calorie counter.  I know eating Arby's and McDonalds is not a healthy choice. I prefer to eat healthy foods like fruit and whole grain and vegetables. Baked chicken over fried, smaller portions, skip the pop, etc. 

*Again if you want more information on how I do this, or more accountability, I run 10 day clean eating challenges at least once per month. Go ahead and message/follow me, and I can get you set up.*

Diet/Workout Journal:  I started keeping a diet and work out (journal) and it has really helped me realize what foods I'm eating and what I may need to cut out and just how much time I'm devoting to working out.  I keep it in my bag and anytime I eat anything I write it down.  I usually end up skipping dessert type foods just so I don't have to write it down. I may want a chocolate satin pie at the time but when I write that down and read it later, I realize I really could have down without those extra calories.  You'd be surprised at how much you probably munch throughout the day without even realizing it.  A journal would make it more obvious and easier to cut back. It has for me. 

My final piece of advice: just because you've worked out doesn't mean you can then eat a bunch of junk food afterwards.  You're not a dog- don't reward yourself with food.  Don't ruin your great workout!! Trust me, you'll regret it after you do! And remember the secret to clean eating is not to get discouraged. If you can eat clean 95% of the time, you will see results. One bad meal will not make you fat, just like one good meal won't make you skinny.

I know it's hard, I know it's not instant, and I know it's really an entire lifestyle change, but it can be done! There are tons of great ways to give yourself the advantage while trying to be healthier. Remember that you aren't going through this alone. There are resources out there to help. Also keep in mind that it isn't about fitting a social mold. It's about feeling good about yourself, having the energy to chase after your kids, grand kids, nieces or nephews. It's about setting and reaching goals. 

You can do it! And if you would like advice, as a certified Beachbody coach, I can help. Find your WHY and get started. Good Luck!

Dear Baby Knowles (2)

My Sweet, Second Child,

You must know by now that I'm not perfect. After all, you can hear my heart race when I get upset at things I can't control. You have been witness to nights of silenced sobs that must have woken you up as your tiny perfect body laid nestled in my shaking frame.

I can't lie to you, and I wouldn't dream of trying:

It has been much more difficult to give you a body than it was for me to give one to your older brother. It has been a much more stressful ride this time around, and I am reminded of that every time I feel you stretch and change positions within the safety of my body. I have worried day after day that I would somehow fail you, my little boy.

Somehow, we have made it this far. We are merely weeks away from getting to look into each others eyes, and realize how much we know about each other. What trials we have overcome. The nine weeks of hemorrhaging during the first and second trimester were terrifying. The constant sickness that has remained with me from week six has been debilitating at times, and still somehow you have found a way to be strong, to continue to grow, and to surpass all expectations that were set for your development. Somehow, you have given me the strength to push forward as well.

You are strong! I wish I could take credit for that strength, but as you know, I've been scared, and I've been weak for most of our journey together. I'm finally starting to realize how much purpose you have added to my life.

I want you to know how much I love you. There is not a thing in this world that I won't change for you if it is in my power. You will do great things in this life. You have an amazing example in your older brother. Let him teach you all that he can.

Be patient with your dad and me. It's our first time being your parents, and though we have learned quite a bit from your brother, you will come with completely different lessons for us. You already have. Just know that we love you. You are coming to a family that couldn't be more happy to have you. We feel your giant spirit, and we know that you are ours.

I know that your Heavenly Father doesn't make mistakes when it comes to families. Let me show you my testimony of this principle each day during this life. I am your mother. Let me teach you about the gospel, and about family, and love. Read the notes from the experiences of my life, and find hope, faith, and perseverance in everything.

I know that you can feel my shortened breaths fighting to catch as I write this letter to you. I know that you can hear my heart as it beats erratically as I tell you I love you. Know that these tears are tears of happiness. Know that these small cries are in anticipation of you joining our family.

Know that I can't wait to meet you.

Know that I love you.

Love,
Mommy